Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Randomize
