During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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