I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
