Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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