so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
