I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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