Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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