One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
I'm really busy with my period
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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