This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
