GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
