I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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