I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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