My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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