I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
