She tied me up with her honor cords...
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
