I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
my liver is dry heaving
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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