So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
