If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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