FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize