I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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