I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
