paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
