so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
