Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He felt like a one man threesome
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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