So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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