You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
