you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
