So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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