My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
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The beer is more important than you right now.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
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We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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