doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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