Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
