I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Is Oprah even human
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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