Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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