I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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