Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
