if i can run in heels then i can drive
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
