C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
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So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
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If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
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