eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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