Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
