i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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