people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
