I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
