she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
