Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
