She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Cover your peen. We're going out.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
