dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
