I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize