last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
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dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
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I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher