Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
