There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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