OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
