smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
