i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
