So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
