so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
