I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
