i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
