Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
