I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
