I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You should frame my arrest warrant.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
