We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
