What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
